September 15, 2010


After purchasing a travel watercolor kit (which is quite adorable) and then promptly treating myself to a goopy mound of peanut m&m & nutella ice cream treat, I skipped back home feeling particularly good that evening. As I proceeded to unlock the door, some blurry little something entered my peripheral. I turned my head to focus and, of course, it had to be a plump and rather whorish spider. I leaped back and sized up the pest. It was about the size of a quarter with it's rump most prominent and rotund. My only weapon were menus stuffed in the railing. After failing to accurately toss them at the target numerous times and with my ability to be cool to passersby waning, I knew I had to formulate a new plan.

He had climbed up his thread as I tossed menus at him and while he was huddled there, I wondered if I had successfully unlocked both of the locks on the door. I gave it a nudge with my foot. Success! It opened! And so fell that bastard down midway to the floor.
Oh? He's challenging me?!

Again with the menus. As the papers float down so carelessly, a stark contrast to the seriousness of the situation, one touched his delicate silk line. It startled him and he raced up the line and huddled himself in to a disgusting ball of bloated filth and legs yet again.
Could I make it in? Could I pass through the doorway faster than he could bungee? I focused and anticipated then ultimately lost my nerve.
Menus - again!
He curls up tighter. His swollen abdomen so nauseating I clench my teeth at it and run slamming the door behind me!

Just how many doors slammed in all of his 8 eye'd face?!
Not nearly enough!

Relief lasts only seconds because I was quickly consumed by the skeevey dance. It in turn made me feel so tribal and made me wonder if this dance is universal? Would my movements be recognized by the hominids or neanderthals?

Clearly this experience left me with much to ponder, but what I ponder mostly, is just how many deaths or serious injuries a year result in the frantic actions of a desperate victim trying to escape the terror of some insect or buggish thing?

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